Let's just say that I was scolded and harsh words were said to me for submitting my part of a group work so late. I had my reasons. Some that are reasonable and some that are unexpected. But the way that the situation was handled was so inappropriate.
I was verbally attacked. And even if they say that I deserved it for submitting late, I don't think that it was the right way it was handled. I've never been this down since... a very very long time ago. Harsh words were said that were not supposed to be said. Its as if I felt like such a failure and that everything I did was wrong. I was demoralized in a way. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't even study for my Filipino finals tomorrow. Even if I wanted to, my mind just repeats what were said over and over again. I cried so hard in my room. I went outside my house to think and get some alone time. My morale was low.
I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be treated this way. Yes, I submitted late, but I had an explanation and reason for that. And if only you'd learn to be more understanding to your subordinates, then you'll get the respect that you deserve. I respect you. But after what you've done to me, I feel so demoralized and have no will to work anymore. Even if you'd say that "this is just work, its nothing personal" the things you said were really hurtful and I don't really deserve to be treated that way.
If only you'd understand my situation. I'm already down as it is. You didn't have to do that. I understand that you have to be strict but there's a thin line between being strict with being plain disrespectful. Tao rin ako. May emosyon rin. I just feel like the lines were crossed and that I was attacked. Its hard to not take things personally because what you did was really hurtful.
After getting some fresh air, I went back to watch some Glee. They were doing songs about religion and spirituality. And after that episode, I really felt that I needed someone right now. I really needed strength. And the person who can give us that strength --- GOD. He's there to keep us strong and hear our prayers. He's there to watch over us. He's always there if we need someone to hold on to.
Just a while ago, I prayed. I prayed that I have the heart to continue the last few days of the semester. I prayed that I wished that He'd be right beside me in the next few days. Right now, I really hope for peace in my mind and in my heart. After what's happening with AVC, academics, MISA, and my personal life, I just wish that I had someone there beside me and I'm thankful that He's always right there.
Lord, please give me the strength to continue. Please give me enough heart to finish the things that I've started. This is it, the final stretch, Please keep me beside You. All things, I offer to You. Amen.
Praying and hoping,
Rye
PS: I hope everything turns out fine tomorrow when I wake up.
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